The Doctor's Journal
by red-coffeemaker
Summary: The Doctor misses Rose after she is gone, so he decides to write to her. It's sad, I'm sorry.


My dearest Rose,

I've decided for medical purposes I shall keep a log of my life. It has come to my attention that I may be a tad bit "depressed". Out of all the people in the world to share my life stories with, it would be you, Rose. I'm writing to you.

A lot has happened since we said goodbye parted on that beach. I've met another woman. Now before you roll your eyes at me, just know that she's not replacing you. We are strictly platonic. And she knows about you, and how I feel presently.

Her name is Martha. You would like her, Rose. She's brazen, and live-spirited. I was investigating suspicious activity at a hospital, where she was training. Long story short- we ended up on the moon and I asked her to come with me.

We've gone so far. We saw the end of the world, almost got eaten by a sun that was alive, and- oh hey! We even met Shakespeare. He's a genius. Helped us save the world.

I wish you were with me. I wish you could have seen it, Rose. Sometimes at night I wake up, in a cold sweat, your name dying on my lips. I never remember the nightmare, but I'm sure it's just my reality. Sometimes I'm afraid one day I'll wake up barking mad.

Sincerely Yours,

The Doctor

My Dearest Rose,

Last night I dreamed about you. The great thing about the Tardis is that it readjusts dreams to what I want them to be. Kind of like how it translates all the languages you don't understand. It gave me exactly what I wanted, which was to see you.

Now, I'm aware it was in fact, a dream, but any time to see your face is a gift to me. We were in the Tardis, you and me, and you were laughing about how daft I was. All I could see was your face, your wide grin and beautiful eyes. I could feel your hand on my chest, and your lips coming closer-

Then I woke up, my hand clutching the side of the bed, as if it was expecting you to be there. My chest ached, as if you scorched me with your touch. The whole time vortex, running from your skin to mine, like electricity. That's what it felt like.

I hope you're doing okay. How's Jackie and Mickey? How's the baby? Did you get another silly job at a clothing store? I hope you don't run into any mannequins. We wouldn't want that, now would we? I'd have to fly through time and space to come save you.

Forever Yours,

The Doctor

My Dearest Rose,

Yesterday Martha left. We had just defeated the last Time Lord (well, besides me) and defeated his army. It took us a whole year, which, in a series of events, no one else in the entire world remembers. I thought she wanted to continue traveling with me. She had prior arrangements. She needed to stay behind and finish her doctoral training, help her family, all that.

So it looks like I'm alone again. Oh, had I ever mentioned? I was there for the Face of Boe's death (almost the destruction of New New York). His last words were, "you are not alone". He might have been referring to the Master, which was the second to last Time Lord, but he was wrong.

I am alone.

Love Always,

The Doctor

P.S.- Turns out the Face of Boe is Captain Jack Harkness! Can you believe that? Incredible!

Dearest Rose,

I investigated a corporation targeting weight loss. They were using pills to create fat infants- babies made from the fat of people. Along the way I came across Donna, someone I met last year. I asked her to come with me, but she refused.

She changed her mind. I told her about how Martha loved me fancied me. I didn't want anything like that. Not with anyone else. Blimey, she agreed with me. She just wanted to travel the universe.

You'd like her too, Rose. She's as fiery as her hair. I hope she doesn't see any of these. She'd string me up, that bloody woman.

Anyway, I hope you're alright. Best wishes from the Tardis.

Love Forever,

The Doctor

My Dearest Rose,

What a trip! Donna and I flew all the way to Pompeii. She begged me to save the town, but of course I couldn't. I told her it's a fixed point in history, which meant I couldn't reverse it. Just like I can't reverse the Time War, and save all the Time Lor my family.

For what it's worth, Pompeii was a beautiful city before it succumbed to Vesuvius. Someday, we'll take a trip there. Maybe a couple years before it erupts, just to be on the safe side.

We're back in the Tardis now, taking a short break for tea. Donna's complaining about the kitchen or something or the other. It may be annoying, but it's reassuring. It's nice having someone else's voice echo throughout the Tardis, instead of it just being my own.

Oh, Rose, my dear, how I miss you. One day, I promise you, we will say the words we couldn't. One day you'll be back in the Tardis, with me, just like it should be. I just have to keep holding on, have to keep going. For you.

Love Always,

Your Doctor

Dear Rose,

Your lips are on my neck, the smell of flowers invading my olfactory senses. My fingers run through your hair, soft, silky. Your warm body is pressed against my own. I kiss you lightly, your soft lips transforming into an easy grin. I feel at home. Our legs are tangled together. I like lying in bed with you. Not anything else but measuring each other's breaths and whispering secrets in the dark. I can feel your breath on my skin, my hearts beating faster. Your ear lays on my chest, right between my hearts so you can hear both of them. My arms are around you. Safe and home.

Donna wakes me up these days. She's the only person that I can think of with enough demand to get me out of bed. Some days it all but takes her to throw a pot of water on me to drag me away from my bed. The truth is my dreams are the only place I can see you, except in my memories. I think she somehow senses this. She doesn't want me pouting all the time. She says only children pout. I don't care. I don't know how much longer I can go with this ache in my chest.

Yours-

Doctor

Dearest Rose,

I'm alone again. So, so alone. I thought- I thought it would fix things but-

It started when the Earth was taken one second into the future so that the Daleks could eliminate all of reality. You were there, Rose. We were back together. I was with you. We defeated the Daleks, with help from Martha, Mickey, Jackie, Sarah Jane, duplicate me. So many people risked their lives for my cause. I couldn't ask for that.

And then everyone else left, back to their lives, and I had to take you back to Bad Wolf Bay. Blimey, we are making a habit of that. I explained to you I had to take you back because of the other me. I gave you him, Rose. He's just like me, except more tailored to your human life. He can grow old with you, whereas I can't. I have to keep traveling, for the rest of my life.

You asked me what the end of that sentence was. It's the only thing I regret, Rose. I regret not saying those words to you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It was too painful for me, but I'm glad you can move on with me- well, with someone that is exactly like me except only came into existence a few hours ago.

Rose Tyler, I love you.

Yours (through Time and Space),

The Doctor


End file.
